Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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