I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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