Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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