No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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