you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
