The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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