that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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