VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
this hospital has no fireball
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
