just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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