Apparently you make a good broom.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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