im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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