I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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