you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
