Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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