im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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