apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
