I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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