Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Four minutes until I can fart!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
