I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
