Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
