yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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