Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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