You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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