There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
