Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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