im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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