Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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