didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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