is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
