Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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