shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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