my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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