He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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