Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
