I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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