worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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