3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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