and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
