So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
