Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
