I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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