she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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