i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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