I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
