At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
They have beer where we have blood.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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