Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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