i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This is classic penis vs brain.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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