i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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