four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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