you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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