I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't deserve a penis
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
