I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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