you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize