Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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