finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
