Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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