So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
