Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
