Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
