tell your sister to shave her snatch
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
