woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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