My pussy is not your playground.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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