Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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